Assness

My ass is older than the rest of me. I have Premature Assing. From my hips to the tops of my knees, it's just horrid. In my clothes it's ok, but naked? Uhh...

I once heard of the lumpage and dimplage that happens in this area described as "a bag of doorknobs". Freakin' heeelarious! Only because I'm not quite that bad. However, I live in Florida.

I don't think you heard me. I said, I live in FLO-Ree-DA. There are three intrinsic points to that statement:

1. As a qualification for residency, you must file notarized papers with the Court certifing that you have a bonafied "swimming suit that does not cover more than one-half of your physical person if you are a male or one-one hundreth of your physical person if you are female".

2. 40% of the population in South Florida are over the age of 70, 1% of the population is of normal human stature and appearance of the ages of six months to 69 years, and 69% of the population fucking ROCKS (and if not facially or charismatically rocks, lop off their heads and their body rocks, or if you area a teen of the 1990's, "foooooyine!").

3. Whether you want to acknowledge it or not, like ends up with like. If one partner is exceedingly attractive, so the other will be. It is "The Secret" and law of attraction manifested.

Take a look around. Each couple will be in the same range of 1 - 10, give or take a point, except in the circumstance of male high net-worth (high net-worth babes will not go for low-point males).

When I met my boyfriend, he was a 9 and I was around a 6 (in the local, California-Valley pool).We have since moved to South Florida, and boyfriend has continued to be a 9. I have sunk to a 3. Maybe a 4 on a good day. Not that I've gained weight. Not that I am unattractive, but this Premature Assing is pulling my points down.

To state the obvious, this is not good. Not that my boyfriend will leave me for it (he hasn't yet!), but when you are surrounded by tight bods, I, as a female, cannot help but compare.

Let me re-state: I, as an early thirty-er with this Assness, cannot help compare. And in South Florida, there is such a plethora: young teen bodies (actually belonging to teens), women who have always been fit, women with hard won fitness, plastic surgery, and of course the Brazilian and Cuban women who, even if they have a pudge or two, are so self-confident and exotic, they can't help but be sexy.

There are 45 year old women who look better than me. Fo' real!

Also, what must be taken under condiseration is the current Ass Atmosphere. It's not the same as it was in the 80's. No! Back then you just had to be skinny. All this skinny-buff-18-year-old-boy figure points back to Terminator 2, when Linda Hamilton came jogging out of her prison cell, blowing our f'n minds, the dawn of a new era shimmering about her. Bitch.

Go. Go look at the Miami Vice re-runs and compare those female hotties to what is seen today.

Me and my ass have to go for a jog. Maybe I'll be able to dodge into some bushes and loose it along the way.